I miss you.

I miss you. I miss how we used to talk. I miss how you looked at me and cared. I miss how important I was, how importantly we all were in your eyes. I miss how certain you were of your God. I miss your smile, and your joy for life in the hardest times. I miss how your eyes twinkled when you looked at your son. I miss talking to you, I miss how you listened with an open ear and an open heart. I miss how you knew the right answer. I miss you.

Friends...

Recently I have been struggling. It has been an issue for a long time with me, but only recently have I managd to find the guts to start to deal with it. To explain it though, I need to give a long detailed description of my life...but since you are reading it, I suppose I can try to shorten it up, and adress only the issue of my friends.
Lifelong friends - Christiana, Andrew...and kinda Jacky, I met her when I was two, and we lost contact a couple times, but are great friends now.
Riverview friends - well there are different categories in this... elementary school was well everyone, and middle school was mostly Tara and Sarah...if you ever want to hear my middle school stories, I am now okay with telling them by the way...if you are willing to talk for a while.
Quispamsis friends - This also needs to be broken up into categories...when I first moved here it would be Melissa, Sara, Natasha and Caitlin...that changed after a while though because of well difficulties..I started hanging out more with Darshana, Angela, Sarah-ish people...I cannot really name you all, that transition time there were lots of people...this year it has changed even more...I hang out mostly with Darshana, Sarah, Alisha and Kerri, and Angela in my mind cuz I wish she was here!!! I also hang out with like Nicole, Etta, Anne and them. Stephanie, Brier, Sarah White, Emily, Tor, Alisha and those type of people I also hang out with. Than we have Becka and Kelsi, whom I seem to be hanging out with more. I have started hanging out with Nick, Mac, Tim, Laura and them too, and I really enjoy it. This list could also keep going, if I didn't mention you, it is just cuz I told people I would keep it short...
I have a problem though...I know here are when the jokes will start....but I am bad at hanging around with the same people to much...there are exceptions. Like usually when I am around people when it is just the two of us..I am good.
Now, before I get to far ahead of myself...you have to understand...I love all my friends, I just feel clausterphobic almost some of the time, I need my space...and so on some days I like to eat lunch with different people...some nights I like to hang out with different people. But I also feel bad because I am not hanging out with other people...anyways, the purpose of this blog is to apologize...I know I am not always the best friend, but I need your guys' help...I need you to tell me when I screwed up (in a nice way please). One of my friends was going through a divorce at one point in time and was really frustrated with me and she told me I didn't know how to listen. It wasn't that though, it was because I was uncomfortable talking about her pain, and I swore never to be like that again, and so if I am please tell me. Also though, try to bear with me I love you all!!!!!P.S. - sometime I will figure out how to put pictures of you all on this!!!
-Amy

the single tear

This single tear that slowly slides down my cheek would mean nothing to someone else, but means everything to me. I just want to do something right, I want to like a guy that things can work out with. I want my parents to be proud of me, I want my teachers to like having me in their classes, I want my friends to know that I am always there to talk to. I want people to want to talk to me all the time. I want to be friends with everyone, but mostly I want to be closer to God. I yearn to be at a place where everything is about him and for him. Ohh life.
-Amy Kirsten Jones

The weekend of L-I-N-K

Ahh, life. Well yesterday sucked, I dont know why...actually I do, I was tired from lack of sleep on the weekend, sick, and not trusting in God. Today on the other hand was fantastic. Ill start with this past weekend though. I went to LINK - the clergy teen escape weekend(for all you people who don't know what clergy teens are were basically just a big group of misfits who happen to have a parent who is pastor or something like it). Anywho I was a "leader" which was kinda weird..lol, but fun. Claire(Lily), Rebekah and Allysa were in my room. The first night Claire and I had boy talk, but the second night, a bunch of people were there...Rebekah, Alyssa, Claire, Me, Britt, Raquel and Katie. We had a party! It was so great to be there this weekend, it made me wish some people like that lived closer to me. Saint John is not really the hub of strong Christian teens. It was great to talk, and to pray with these people who truly believed that God was going to do something in their lives and in this world, there faith was like none other. They talked of the support they got from their churches and I longed for that. But I so enjoyed the whole weekend between getting married to Daniel and handing out our awards and the silent rave I wasnt invited too, and talking and worshiping and everything, it was a blast!

Anyways, the next day I was tired, I was angry at my church, everyone was yelling in the morning so it started out bad. And got worse, I lost something of my friends, and then I thought my friend ditched me and I was just angry in general.
God soon changed that around though, I started talking to him and asking Him to help me and I went to my audition for the musical which went fantastically!!!! wooot! And then I went to bed early, kinda worried cuz I had a physics and a chem test...but I went to bed at 8:30 and it was so great to sleep! Anyways today was great though, my physcis test got moved to tomorrow and I think I did great in Chemistry and I had all my work done, and it was just fantastic! And Italked to Kevin, which was amazing, cuz I miss him. It is really weird not having him around, but I know he is enjoying himself so I am happy for him. Anyways, I really have to go BYe!!!
-Amy Kirsten Jones

close your eyes and follow Christ

Recently, I have begun to trust and respect someone greatly. Though our friendship has been short, he has taught me a lot through his wisdom, and his friendship. One thing that he said to me, really caught my attention. I have no doubt in the world that it was a God thing. The conversation is a blur to me, but what caught my attention was when he said "close your eyes and follow Christ" and my quick reply was "that's so scary though". And it does seem VERY scary. But what he said than, really made me realize how strong this guy's faith is. He said "It looks scary, but is it?". We then moved on to another subject, but that stayed with me. We play all these crazy trust games, where we fall on people and stuff, but the ultimate test of trust is in Jesus. Do we truly trust him? Are we willing to close our eyes, and let him lead us? Yeah, it'll be dark, and sometimes, we will run into things, but only to protect us from running into worse. Sometimes when we run into these things, we think that Jesus is doing a bad job, but only because we cannot see what we did not run into. Are you willing to close your eyes and follow Christ? Are you willing, to take that first step. Hand everything over to him, and let him lead you? Yeah, it's going to be scary, and sometimes it'll hurt, but the prize in the end will be like none other.

Pacey

I do not know if those of you who will read this have ever seen Dawson's Creek, but it is a television show, which at times is not appropriate, but captures my interest nontheless. My favorite character in the show, though it has changed, has to be Pacey Witter. Pacey throughout the show does have his numerous problems, such as his affairs with teachers and the like, but Pacey is the only one I can truly relate to. That sounds kind of off, because no I do not really think of myself as Pacey, but Pacey is the kind of guy I would want as my best friend. The last show I watched, Andie and Pacey were just getting to know each other and through a string of coincidences Pacey finds himself at Andies house, the last place she wants him, and Andie tells Pacey about the death of her brother. And how her mother will not face the fact that he is dead. Through her explanation, you can tell that Andie is scared, she is scared of embarassement, and scared of what may come out of telling Pacey, but mostly she is scared of his pity. Pacey tried to hug her, but she pushes him away saying she doesnt want his pity, but Pacey does not give up, he pulls her closer and tells her it is not pity she is receiving. Pacey astounds me. He is he joker in the group, and yet has not had the easiest life. But he is the best friend. He does stupid things, but he cares more than anyone else seems too. I wish I had a friend like Pacey. Someone who may not always be the best example to follow will ALWAYS be there for you. I love that.
*side note - I am not saying that I would replace any of my friends for Pacey because I love you all so much more!

the end of one thing, yet the beginning of another

Well, summer has quickly flown by, and I have not even had the time to post a blog. That may be because I was not near a computer very much, or just because of my lack of time, either way I have decided it is long overdue. Summer started out as one thing, and quickly turned into something completely different when God took hold of it. I started out working at the theatre. It was fun, but I missed camp a lot this summer.
I discussed it with my parents, quit my job, went to Urban Promise in Toronto for a week, than went straight to camp, and oh what a time I had there.
I got to know people, I never thought I would, between Button (Don't worry he is an idiot) and Skittles and Maraca(We never did have our late night talk), and Fenway(ohh how I love thee Fenway) and Pheeny(what a nice bod you have, darling), and Ripp(I miss your outdoor cooking class) and Rafikik (did you say bloom bum, or blue bum?!?!) and Roscoe(thank you for everything) and Fantaand "Spinner"(you guys are soo cute!) and Pixie(your hugs made my day) and Hubcap(my forever brother) and Lily (Sister 4eva!) and Dot(it was like you were at camp when you weren't! But I missed you!) and Jacky and Cody and Malibu, it was so great to have you all there this past week! I met the greatest children in the world, Ryan and Cody and I miss them terribly! I also fell in love with my boyfriend Richard! Ah!
-Amy

Summer time...

Summer. To most sane people this is a very exciting time. No more school, you get to sit outside and tan all day. The beaches seem to call your name, and smiles spread across everyone's faces. Report cards (for most people) have already been shown to parents, and the yelling is over. Vacationing is starting, and in general most people are excited. Not me though. This summer is filled with bad things so far. Lets count how many. - I miss camp. More than anything, I cannot go a day without thinking about that place. - Everyone is leaving. Angela is moving this weekend, Kevin is leaving in three weeks. Darshana is going to Shad this weekend, Brier is in Texas, Alisha is at some concerty type thing. - In the past little while I have become good friends with some of the graduates and I am scared I may never see them again. - I work, everyday and it is soooo boring. I do not know how I am going to survive, I will literally die of boredom. - I miss school, it is my home. I love everybody there, all the teachers, all the people. Everybody. Ahh! I will blog later. Bye -Amy